A Beautiful Mother

I haven't had time to post more stories and pictures from our Thailand trip, but go read this moving story on Andy's blog.

Mercy

On one of the days of our trip our team visited a hill tribe village in Northern Thailand. We were quite close to the Burma border and this village was made up of Burmese refugees who have been living in Thailand for nearly 30 years. Like the vast majority of the hill tribes people in Thailand, these villagers do not have Thai citizenship which means they have little access to health care, quality education, or a means to move beyond their current level of poverty.

Many people were sick in this village and Charles, the missionary who was with us and our spur-of-the-moment divinely appointed prayer coach, felt a strong sense that that we needed to pray for everyone who was sick. So we gathered around the people, put our hands on them and prayed.

Of all the people in the village, one little boy captured our hearts the most. His name was Garrun, which we were told meant "mercy." He was about two years old, the age of my son, and his eyes were crossed. His father had abandoned him and his mother when she was 6 months pregnant with him. His face was so sweet and so serious.

A couple of the dads in our group spent time holding him and playing with him. We pulled out some bubbles and began blowing them to the kids. We held the wand in front of Garrun's mouth and he blew out a strong breath that puffed his cheeks out (the same way my son does). He blew bubbles over and over again, sometimes pinching the wand with his thumb and index finger. On three occasions when he blew a particularly large batch of bubbles, we cheered for him and he cracked the tiniest of smiles. I think one person caught his tiny smile on film. He was precious.

Later that night when our team met to debrief the day and pray, God spoke to our friend Steve and he said, "You guys, it just hit me...our team verse (that we all memorized before leaving)... Micah 6:8, 'What does the Lord require of you? To do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.' We loved Mercy today."

It was a total God-moment.

A day or two later, God spoke to one of the teachers on our team whose own son had been born cross-eyed. She said God told her that she couldn't help everyone she met in Thailand, but she could help this little boy. So she and her family will be praying for and paying for a doctor to help this precious child.

God could heal this child instantly, but instead he chose to use this teacher and her family to heal and bless Garrun. I'm guessing there's going to be healing and blessing for her family too. What a God!

Back Home Safe and Ruined, I Hope

We returned safely from Thailand on July 4th. Adjusting to being back home has been hard. I haven't felt rested enough to write and in that small window of time when the kids are asleep and I'm also coherent, I've felt the need to pray and read scripture. It's amazing how much more challenging these two things are once you return home.

I'm excited to share the stories from our trip and to let God bring some things into focus for me as I ponder all the people, places, thoughts, and feelings of the trip.

Some of the themes of the trip that I plan to write about are:
clean hands and a pure heart
justice, mercy, humility
no worship without sacrifice
we're rich and we're poor
God blesses the last ones
revolution

A coworker told Andy that when he asked a friend of his how his mission trip was, the friend answered, "It ruined me." I think that's a great word choice. I hope that I was ruined by this trip. I hope that any chance of me going on with life as usual is ruined; I pray that any chance of me living with one eye closed to the pain and suffering of this world is ruined.

Much more to come.

A Glimpse of Jesus

On Memorial Day I had the blessing of meeting a man in whom Jesus is vividly visible. His name is Charles Harvey and he is an Irish missionary in Thailand who Andy met in January. We had the privilege of having him in town a few weeks before our team heads to his place in Thailand. He met and spoke with our Thailand team on Monday night and God's Spirit was palatable in his words, in his prayers, and in the way he interacted with us.

He stayed overnight in our home so I was able to spend a little one on one time with him as well as some time with just he and Andy (no kids, ie. Uninterrupted conversation!). I am not exaggerating when I say this: I feel like I have been with Jesus. He was so gracious, so generous in the things he said and the way he said them, so affirming, encouraging, and life-giving. I am more in love with Jesus after being with him. I feel compelled to spend more time with my Lord because of this glimpse I got of Him through this self-proclaimed ordinary Irish man.

I long to be like Charles - to be that intimate with Jesus, to bring that much glory to the Father, to have the constant Spirit-giving discernment and energy to minister to so many people. To say "yes" to something always requires that we say "no" to something else. So the question that naturally follows is: What am I willing to sacrifice, to say "no" to, in order to say "yes" to more of Jesus?

A Perfect Moment

This afternoon my two-year-old son woke up early from his nap and walked down the stairs crying. I picked him up and carried him back to his bed. I decided to lay down beside him; he snuggled up to me, resting his face an inch away from mine. His long lashes lowered and he fell back to sleep. The gentle exhales from his nose blew against my cheek and lulled me into perfect contentment with their peaceful rhythm. I was awe struck by the beauty of my son. Everything was right with the world. I was fully present.

Soon after, I was fully asleep.

Belated Mother's Day Thoughts

I heard (read) someone say in a mom's magazine that "motherhood is the highest calling." I can agree that it is one of the highest callings (as is fatherhood), but come on, let's not be completely narcissistic.

This Mother's Day (or the week after) the thing I appreciate most about being a mom is captured in the song Nicole Nordeman wrote for her little boy.

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You’re safe and sound and
Until now, it’s where I’ve been

‘Cause it’s been fear that ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, your love, that cuts the strings
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

The reality that I am the role model in my kids' lives with the most air time compels me to take my commitment to follow the way of Jesus more seriously. I am grateful for that. I am grateful to be a mother.

Way To Go Kay!

I just read another great interview, this time with Kay Warren (married to Rick Warren) who has recently found her passion, and compassion, to fight the global aids crisis. She confesses her former apathy and judgementalism, and challenges us to "lead the way in loving."

Aside from the title, "Purpose-Driven Wife" (enough already!), it's a very good read. Here it is.

A Prayer for the Children

This prayer was read aloud by our church congregation two Sundays ago. The service focused on children around the world. Andy had the privilege of speaking about the children of Thailand and about God's passion to bring justice and rescue to the oppressed. I was out of town at a scrapbooking retreat, but was able to get a copy of this powerful prayer.

A PRAYER FOR THE CHILDREN (best when spoken aloud)

We pray for the children
who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who’ve never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
who never had crayons to count,
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
who give hugs in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off-key,
who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup.

And we pray for those
who never get dessert,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
whose monsters are real.

We pray for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed,
who never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the school,
who squirm in church and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and
whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried,
and for those who must.
For those we never give up on,
and for those who never get a chance.
For those we smother with our love,
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to
offer.

~Ina J. Hughes, Mission Newsletter of Foundation for His Ministry, August, 2002

D.C. Was Amazing!

Ahhhh, finally time to take a deep breath and write a post. The kids and I are in Phoenix right now with my parents. This is the third of four trips for me this month. May feels like a whirlwind – crazy, but fun.

Our trip to D.C. was amazing. International Justice Mission’s (IJM) Global Prayer Gathering was awesome! We were so blessed and encouraged to be amongst people who pray with courage and boldness - people who know to whom it is they pray and therefore ask big. After hearing stories and first-hand testimonies of slaves being freed and perpetrators of all kinds of abuse being brought to justice, I experienced a whole new level of worship as we sang songs like “How Great Is Our God.”

Saturday night we prayed by candlelight at the Lincoln Memorial (pictured on previous post), a symbol of freedom for those who were oppressed and enslaved in our own country. Monday, we spent a few hours in the Holocaust Memorial Museum. It was so moving, gut wrenching, and powerful, particularly coming off of the IJM prayer gathering and particularly because in D.C. that weekend there were demonstrations bringing attention to the holocaust that is taking place in Sudan right now. As I read the stories in the museum I was challenged to consider who I would have been if I had been there, and who I am as a player in this chapter of history – Am I a rescuer? Or am I a self-centered, apathetic person who avoids the truth (reality) of what is happening all around me?

There is a poem in the museum that keeps ringing in my heart and mind.



The theme verse for IJM’s Global Prayer Gathering was Psalm 12:5:

“The LORD replies, I have seen violence done to the helpless, and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.”

IJM’s message is, “As the Lord our God rises up to rescue the oppressed, our God calls upon us to be His instruments.”

God is rising up. Am I? Are you?

We're off to Washington D.C.!

We're heading off to Washington D.C. (without the kids) to attend the Global Prayer Gathering of International Justice Mission. It should be an amazing time of hearing what God is doing around the world to rescue vicitims of injustice.

All of IJM's field offices will be at the gathering to report on their area and to ask for prayer. We will get to pray with many IJM staff and we will get to worship God among them to the tune of approximately 500 voices. I am humbled to get to be among these people who have joined God in his passionate pursuit of justice for the most vulnerable people around the world.

We are flying standby and the flights are really full; some are completely full or overbooked. Would you please pray that we will get to D.C. by Friday, preferably by the afternoon. My friend Nicole said that she has no doubt we'll get there because God wants us there. She also said that if the flights were wide open it wouldn't take any faith. I think she's right. I can't see why God wouldn't want us to be there, so I'm trying to believe that he'll open the way. I'm just hoping he's not more interested in teaching me about patience, releasing control, and relinquishing expectations.

While you're at it, would you pray that we could get home on Sunday or Monday? The flights are just as bad for the return leg. Thanks friends!

Good Friday Songs

What are your favorite Good Friday songs or songs about the cross? I want to create an itunes playlist and need some help.

Happy Birthday To Me

I turned 33 today. Birthdays are strange, aren't they? They can be one of your worst days when you view them as a day when you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do and when everyone around you should wait on you. It's kind of a small-scale experiment of what a completely self-centered, self-serving life would be like. Not pretty.

I think the best birthday presents are rarely given on the actual birthday. The best birthday present my husband Andy gave me this year wasn't something he gave me today. It came in one sentence he said a couple of months ago, while we were lying in bed about to fall asleep: "It's so easy to be faithful to you."

Ahh...I could live on that for months, maybe years.

My mom told me that she remembers someone telling her that on her birthday, every year, she sends flowers to her mother. Isn't that cool? Instead of going through the day feeling entitled to be waited on as the birthday-queen-for-a-day, she gives a gift to the woman who gave her the gift of life. Of course, I would just be a copycat if I started doing the same thing, especially since my mom is the one who told me about the idea.

But I would like to thank my mom for choosing to give me life, because for her, it would have been much more convenient to have done the opposite. It's impossible to wrap my mind around the possibility that I never could have existed outside of the womb. Yeah...I just don't know how to even try to imagine it.

It's not flowers, but perhaps another sentence will do: Thanks Mom and Dad for choosing life, for choosing me. I love you.

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

So at first I just emailed this list to several friends, thinking it was perhaps more controversial than I wanted to be on my blog. But I changed my mind. There are a few versions of this out there but I couldn't figure out who I was supposed to attribute it to. Google it yourself if you're that interested, Gosh! (That was rendered in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice.)

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

10. A man's place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be "unnatural" for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead the singing on Father's Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

In case it isn't obvious, this is a parody. It is meant to show the absurdity of the reasons that have been given to try to keep women out of pastoral ministry. I hope it caused you to laugh (and think).

If you've never heard of Christians for Biblical Equality(CBE), check them out. And if there's anyone reading this who has been disillusioned by the church because of the way it views and treats women, I feel the need to say that they're not all like that.

If you live in the Portland area, check out my church. You will be valued and affirmed by both our female and male pastors. If you live elsewhere, CBE offers lists of churches by area, or leave a comment and I'll see what I can find out about female-friendly-churches (for lack of a better term) in your area.

Give Your Lunch

Life has been getting in the way of blogging lately, but here's the follow up to my last post. Let me just start by saying that I have a new hero. Gary Haugen, President of International Justice Mission (IJM) is an incredible human being with great hope in our great God. It was an honor to meet him and to hear from his mouth what I believe was a message straight from God’s heart. Here are my “take aways” from the message he delivered entitled The Unfamiliar Passions of God:

• Are Jesus and I passionate about the same things?
• God hates injustice with a fierce passion.
• God desires to bring justice and rescue to the oppressed.
• He has a plan to accomplish this.
• We are the plan.
• (There is no Plan B.)

Gary told the story from John 6 about the loaves and fishes. You know the story. Jesus says to His disciples, “Feed them.” The disciples come back with, “We don’t have enough.” (They are presented with an overwhelming need and they have inadequate resources.)
Disciples: “Back to you Jesus.”
Jesus: “What do you have?”
Disciples present the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes.
Andrew: “What are these among so many?”
Jesus: “Give it to me.”*

Most of us believe that there is nothing we can possibly do to bring justice to the millions of victims of oppression around the world. And we are right. That would take a miracle, or many miracles. But that’s not what Jesus is asking us to do. He didn’t ask his disciples or the boy to work a miracle. Jesus took responsibility for the miracle. The disciples and the boy were responsible to simply offer what they had so that Jesus could do the miracle.

Final takeaways:

• Offer what you have (Give Jesus your lunch)
• Jesus will do the miracle.

God is blessing the efforts of International Justice Mission in miraculous ways. This, of course, should not come as a surprise! They are offering their lunches for one of God’s deepest passions. Realizing that God did not have a Plan B, they decided to show up for Plan A.

What can you and I offer to Jesus so that he can fulfill his passion and plan to rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, and plead for the widow?

*Quoted from the message transcript.

President of International Justice Mission is Speaking in Portland This Sunday

Gary Haugen, President of International Justice Mission, will be speaking at Sunset Presbyterian Church this Sunday, March 26th, at 9 am, 11 am, and 5 pm. Childcare is provided during all three services for infants through preschool.

Andy and I are pumped about hearing him. We're loving reading his book Good News About Injustice. We're going to the 5 pm service. Come! We'll save you a seat. We can all go out to a kid-friendly restaurant afterwards. :-)

Here is an excerpt from Good News About Injustice:

The battle against oppression stands or falls on the battlefield of hope. No one knows this better than the oppressors. They know that they never have enough power, lies or loyalty to withstand the onslaught of even a fraction of the power, truth and courage that humanity could at any minute amass against them. Therefore they rely on, utterly depend on, the inaction of despair. They know full well that their preeminence depends on most people in their community, their nation and their world doing nothing. This is the essence of Edmund Burke's conviction about human history: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

The oppressor knows that the primary reason we do nothing is because we have lost any hope of making a difference. It is not that we lack power, compassion, courage or knowledge. Rather, we lack a sense of hope that allows us to take what we have into the fray. By sheer inertia, therefore, we lend our own weight to the downward cycle of despair. Our lack of hope keeps us from the frontlines of engagement. And our absence only makes the oppressor look stronger, compounding our own despair and that of those who might otherwise be prepared to fight.

But as faithful Christians through the ages have demonstrated, we don't have to be this way. We have access to a hope that changes everything. Great people of faith - William Wilberforce and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - and lesser known giants like Dr. Bushnell and Rev. Murphy changed their communities, their nation and their world because they found the hope to seek justice.

Our friend Steve is being challenged by this book too. Check out his latest post - God Hates Injustice: Do We?

Is a Christian Worldview Enough?

For awhile now I've been finding myself cringing when I read or hear people talk about the importance of having a "Christian worldview." I didn't always have this reaction, but in the past year or so it seems that whenever I hear someone talk about Christian worldview I sense that their ultimate passion is to be right. There's also an unattractive and not-so-subtle "us" versus "them" mentality.

I heard someone say that most Christians today have made "right thinking" their highest goal. I find this very disturbing. It's not that I think truth isn't important. I just think something fundamental is missing from the attitudes, conversations, and actions of many Christians today.

I remember Donald Miller saying in his book Blue Like Jazz that whenever two people are talking there are always two conversations going on - the one that's happening out loud and the one that is happening beneath the surface where we sense what the other person thinks and feels toward us. He says that if a person senses that the other person doesn't like them, they are highly unlikely to accept anything that person says. But if the person senses that the other person genuinely likes them, they are likely to be open to just about anything that comes out of that person's mouth.

Here's my attempt to summarize this concept: Unless your world view develops into a world do no one is going to listen to you. (OK, I admit the rhyming element is a little cheesy.)

I can see why Christians have become better known in this country for their love of their views than for their love of people. I once heard Leonard Sweet say something along the lines of, "We hear a lot about worldview; but how's your worldlive?" (That's "live" as in "give," not "live" as in "jive".)

Truth and love - I think we're missing the kingdom if we have one without the other. In her book Parenting the Heart of Your Child Diane Moore says,

Pure truth cannot be separated from love. Truth without love is a "resounding gong or a clanging symbol" (1 Cor. 13:1), while love without truth is dysfunction.

What would happen if all of us worldviewers became worlddoers, worldlivers, or better yet, worldlovers?

Hmm, I'm Seeing a Theme Here

I’ve said before that I notice God speaking to me when I see a theme to the things I’m hearing, reading, etc. Recently I’ve heard several voices speaking to the same theme.

During the brief sermon that preceded the candle lighting at our Christmas Eve service, our pastor asked, “In what situations and events are we likely to light a candle?” People in the congregation shouted out several answers. Our pastor then went on to describe the different meanings and emotions that these examples convey:

• On a birthday cake a candle represents celebration and joy.
• A candle lit dinner signifies intimacy and warmth.
• Protestors light candles in a gesture of quiet defiance against injustice.

The last example is the one that has been resurfacing in my mind.

A friend of Sara Groves went to Rwanda to assist coffee farmers in the wake of the genocide. His experience influenced her song “Why It Matters”:

Like the statue in the park
Of this war-torn town
And it's protest of the darkness
And the chaos all around

...Protesting the darkness

Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life author and pastor, said this in a recent Christianity Today article:

I found those 2,000 verses on the poor. How did I miss that? I went to Bible college, two seminaries, and I got a doctorate. How did I miss God's compassion for the poor?

The church is the body of Christ. The hands and feet have been amputated and we're just a big mouth, known more for what we're against.

...Protesting blindness and complacency

This week I’ve heard three different songs based on this Bible verse:

And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

...Protesting injustice, cruelty, and arrogance

On a promotional DVD for the non-profit organization Remember Nhu, the last line the narrator speaks is this:

In the face of tragedy we are inclined to ask, "Where is God?" God may be asking, "Where are you?"

...Protesting the wrong question

Many of you know that my husband Andy went to Thailand recently to see how he and his school could join God's work of seeking justice for the children of Thailand who are faced with the horror of forced prostitution. We are trying to determine whether or not God would have me go with Andy to Thailand on a two-week trip in June. Would you be willing to say a prayer for Andy, me, our kids, and my parents (who would watch our kids) - that we would each discern the Lord saying the same thing and be willing to say "yes" to Him? Thank you in advance.

Laying Down and Dying

"In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying
This kingdom's coming"


As a mother, I can relate to the first three lines of these Sara Groves lyrics. When I first heard this song ("Kingdom Comes") I thought the "laying down and dying" line was kind of odd and depressing because I thought she was literally talking about dying. (I can be kinda slow when it comes to poetry.) I later realized Sara was referring to the concept of dying to self .

I've come to believe that the perfect laboratory to experiment with the concept of dying to self is parenthood. Nothing else brings out our worst, most selfish selves like parenthood does. Of course it also calls out our best selves at times, but most often it confronts me with this ugly person I'd never met before I had kids.

"The greatest advantage of not having children must be that you can go on believing that you are a nice person. Once you have children, you realize how wars start."
Fay Weldon

I recently had the realization that I am a spoiled child. It came to me one day as I was dealing with my daughter's newly acquired habit of arguing. My frustration was escalating and the thing I usually go to in order to cope with my frustration was the thing I'd committed to abstain from for that day. That made me even more frustrated. In that moment of suddenly coming to the end of myself, I buried my face in my hands and prayed a prayer of desperation. Tears came as I felt God reveal something difficult and important to me - My daughter's struggle with me about not getting her way is also my struggle with God about not getting my way.

I was reminded of something I’d read by Dan Allender who said that every child in a thousand different ways asks two core questions: "Am I loved?" and "Can I get my own way?" He said that our task as parents is to say "yes" to the first question and "no" to the second. Of course we and our children do sometimes get what we desire, but in general we are to teach our children, and learn for ourselves, that life is not about getting our own way. To realize that we are liked, loved, and adored by God, and to let him have his way in our lives because we know it is imeasurably better than our own way - this is the stuff of abundant life.

By divine “coincidence”, the sermon at church yesterday focused on these words of Jesus.

“I tell you the truth, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The one who loves her life will lose it, while the one who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. All those who want to be my disciples must come and follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And if they follow me, the Father will honor them. ” (John 12:24-26)

"Dying to self," "surrender," "sacrifice" – these are the words and themes that I have been pondering and wrestling with for over a month (and that came out of my pastor’s mouth verbatim yesterday). There have been so many divine “coincidences” like that lately. I feel God moving, speaking, stretching, and teaching me in ways I haven’t for a very long time. It’s hard and good and exciting all at the same time! I'd wish this kind of death on anyone! ;-)

True Confessions

I went to the mall on Sunday. (You can probably already guess where this is going.) I had deja vu as I saw my reflection in front of the three-way dressing room mirror. (See previous post If I Ever Go Postal It Will Be In A Dressing Room.)

Earlier in the day I saw a seven-foot-tall real life Barbie-woman in her bra and underwear who appeared in my mailbox along with a coupon for a free pair of underwear at Victoria's Secret. Later that night I saw another Barbie-woman and two incredibly fit, svelte women on Dancing with the Stars.

I guess I'm not used to experiencing that many female body images in one day, at least not on the same day that I see my own body image in a dressing room. I cried in my husband's arms before falling asleep that night. I felt like a teenager. I feared for the years that lie ahead when my daughter will go through this on perhaps a daily basis.

I also wondered why in the midst of the school shootings there hasn't been an incident of female violence by a marginalized, overweight girl on a group of popular, pretty, skinny girls. I even had a terrible fleeting fantasy about shattering the Victoria's Secret storefront window, with all of its ten foot Barbie-women images, with an automatic weapon of some sort. Do blogs get monitored for violent content? If so, please know this is not a threat of any kind. This is simply the rant of a regular thirty-something mom. I've never owned a gun nor ever plan to (notice I couldn't even name an automatic weapon) and I faithfully attend a Quaker church.

I spoke with a friend today who also struggles with food as her idol of choice and is also trying desperately to lose the weight gained during pregnancy. What strikes me is how self-hatred can creep into the lives of women like us who don't have fashion magazines in our homes, who never watch music videos, who hardly watch TV, and who believe that God truly does love us.

On a positive note, my friend and I see the spirituality of our struggles with food and hence our bodies, and are finding success in giving up on will power and giving ourselves over to worshipping the One who has the power to break our love affair with food. I'm finding a Beth Moore book called Praying God's Word helpful.

"You see, if a man could truly subdue all his fleshly appetites by the pure power of his own determination, he would simply worship his own will. If the Word of God is about anything at all, it is about God's will rather than ours. Our liberty is paradoxically discovered through the will of God rather than our own. God will never allow us continued success through our pure fleshly determination to "touch not, taste not, handle not." (Col. 2:20-23) He knows we would end up worshiping our own wills and methods. Through the might of His Holy Spirit released through the authority of His Word, we are empowered to say no to the things we should - to our excesses, withholdings, compulsions, and harmful consumptions - and say yes to freedom, moderation, and better health. When we bow to God's authority, we invite Him to take control, and He is the One who does it, as 1 Thessalonians 5:24 tells us."

We all have something that competes with God for our attention and worship. Drugs and alcohol are the obvious ones, but pretty much anything (or anyone) can become an idol. If you think you don't have one, perhaps pride or self-righteousness is yours. :-) (The word denial is also coming to mind.) May you and I increasingly experience the freedom God so desires us to have as we fix our eyes on the Lover of Our Souls.

Bono speaks at National Prayer Breakfast

I don't think I've mentioned this before. I'm a Bono fan.
Click here to see and hear what Bono had to say at the recent National Prayer Breakfast.

Update: I don't think you can view that video any longer for free, so here's
a link where you can read what Bono said.