Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

So at first I just emailed this list to several friends, thinking it was perhaps more controversial than I wanted to be on my blog. But I changed my mind. There are a few versions of this out there but I couldn't figure out who I was supposed to attribute it to. Google it yourself if you're that interested, Gosh! (That was rendered in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice.)

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

10. A man's place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be "unnatural" for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead the singing on Father's Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

In case it isn't obvious, this is a parody. It is meant to show the absurdity of the reasons that have been given to try to keep women out of pastoral ministry. I hope it caused you to laugh (and think).

If you've never heard of Christians for Biblical Equality(CBE), check them out. And if there's anyone reading this who has been disillusioned by the church because of the way it views and treats women, I feel the need to say that they're not all like that.

If you live in the Portland area, check out my church. You will be valued and affirmed by both our female and male pastors. If you live elsewhere, CBE offers lists of churches by area, or leave a comment and I'll see what I can find out about female-friendly-churches (for lack of a better term) in your area.