If I ever go postal, it'll be in a dressing room!

Today I had the traumatic experience of seeing my body in a dressing room mirror. Actually, I saw my body cubed, to the third power, you know, like in algebra. Those three-way mirrors are so useful, aren't they? It's helpful to get three different views of cellulite. Why don't they just go all out and make them 3D?! Then we could reach out and put our finger in the dimples!

It's a catch 22, isn't it? The more we avoid shopping, the crappier our wardrobe gets. But in order to look less crappy on a daily basis, we have to feel like crap in a dressing room. "You've got to feel like crap to avoid resembling it."

As I drove away from the mall choking back tears I tried to remember what my body looked liked before kids. This led me to wonder if Jesus could have been overweight. I figured he wouldn't overeat or make an idol of food, but was he the type of personality that went running at 5 am everyday? Was he blessed with a fast metabolism or was food and weight gain a constant temptation and struggle?

I'm interested in the answeres to these questions, but the one I really want answered is "How can Jesus help me lose twenty pounds?" I saw the final episode of the show The Biggest Loser tonight. These people are amazing. Several of them lost forty-some percent of their body weight! I should be inspired by them. If they can lose 120 lbs, surely I can lose 20. But in spite of their success I still don't feel hopeful. If I could get a personal trainer to meet me at my house everyday with a babysitter and a personal chef who'd prepare delicious healthy meals, then I would be hopeful.