This afternoon my two-year-old son woke up early from his nap and walked down the stairs crying. I picked him up and carried him back to his bed. I decided to lay down beside him; he snuggled up to me, resting his face an inch away from mine. His long lashes lowered and he fell back to sleep. The gentle exhales from his nose blew against my cheek and lulled me into perfect contentment with their peaceful rhythm. I was awe struck by the beauty of my son. Everything was right with the world. I was fully present.
Soon after, I was fully asleep.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Belated Mother's Day Thoughts
I heard (read) someone say in a mom's magazine that "motherhood is the highest calling." I can agree that it is one of the highest callings (as is fatherhood), but come on, let's not be completely narcissistic.This Mother's Day (or the week after) the thing I appreciate most about being a mom is captured in the song Nicole Nordeman wrote for her little boy.
The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You’re safe and sound and
Until now, it’s where I’ve been
‘Cause it’s been fear that ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, your love, that cuts the strings
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
The reality that I am the role model in my kids' lives with the most air time compels me to take my commitment to follow the way of Jesus more seriously. I am grateful for that. I am grateful to be a mother.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Fed the hungry, clothed the naked, cared for the sick, all in a day's work
I had a breakthrough today. I was able to see my day for what it truly was. Previously I would have seen today like this:
Stayed in pajamas ‘till 2 pm, made and cleaned up three meals (if you can call them that), swept a crunchy floor which got crunchy again within an hour, didn’t take down Christmas decorations, didn’t open pile of junk mail on counter, exercised, never made it to Target to buy sheets, didn’t go anywhere.
Today, this is how I saw the day:
Started off a bit slowly and without a plan for the day, fed three hungry people three times, clothed three naked people, stopped to take time to read to the kids on three separate occasions, literally ran circles around the kids (I exercised by running around the cul-de-sac while the kids rode their bikes and pulled each other in the wagon), took time to sit and soak in the sun on a park bench with the kids, took care of a sick husband all day without grumbling or resentment, hugged and kissed the kids a lot, don’t remember feeling particularly irritated or impatient with anyone, enjoyed the kids, gained perspective and worshipped God along with Sara Groves (via cd) while doing the dishes at the end of the day, realized that today I did four of the six things Jesus mentioned in Matthew 25, and even had time left over at the end of the day to write in my blog.
Matthew 25:37-40
“`Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'”
I believe what made the difference for me today was nothing other than the grace of God. I’ve been praying for the ability to live joyously in the present moment and for the ability to see the magical moments that reside right in the midst of the mundane. I’ve also been asking God to infuse my heart with his patience and to grant me the wisdom of Jesus who took time to enjoy and play with children. I believe God answered my prayers today. May I continue to ask, and may God in his grace continue to answer.
Stayed in pajamas ‘till 2 pm, made and cleaned up three meals (if you can call them that), swept a crunchy floor which got crunchy again within an hour, didn’t take down Christmas decorations, didn’t open pile of junk mail on counter, exercised, never made it to Target to buy sheets, didn’t go anywhere.
Today, this is how I saw the day:
Started off a bit slowly and without a plan for the day, fed three hungry people three times, clothed three naked people, stopped to take time to read to the kids on three separate occasions, literally ran circles around the kids (I exercised by running around the cul-de-sac while the kids rode their bikes and pulled each other in the wagon), took time to sit and soak in the sun on a park bench with the kids, took care of a sick husband all day without grumbling or resentment, hugged and kissed the kids a lot, don’t remember feeling particularly irritated or impatient with anyone, enjoyed the kids, gained perspective and worshipped God along with Sara Groves (via cd) while doing the dishes at the end of the day, realized that today I did four of the six things Jesus mentioned in Matthew 25, and even had time left over at the end of the day to write in my blog.
Matthew 25:37-40
“`Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'”
I believe what made the difference for me today was nothing other than the grace of God. I’ve been praying for the ability to live joyously in the present moment and for the ability to see the magical moments that reside right in the midst of the mundane. I’ve also been asking God to infuse my heart with his patience and to grant me the wisdom of Jesus who took time to enjoy and play with children. I believe God answered my prayers today. May I continue to ask, and may God in his grace continue to answer.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
The Struggle to Play
We parents can fail and will fail at almost everything we do. Our most serious failure, however, is not that we fall short of fulfilling certain expectations. Our most serious failure is something that seldom crosses our mind: the refusal to play.
Play is ridiculously inefficient. It splurges and spends, often without any apparent return on investment. That's why we must remind ourselves of the blessing of the process and not look for any measurable outcome of the effort.
To live against the grain of our culture, as we must, the serious parent will spend the majority of his or her time in play - whether we're on the job, running errands, doing household repairs, or playing catch in the backyard. The mature person will see all of life, work, worship, and parenting as a form of play.
These are excerpts from a book I read this summer called How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender. I just reread the chapter called The Freedom to Play because I've been feeling the familiar struggle lately of not wanting to play with my kids.
My struggle with playing with my kids is connected to my struggle with being a "stay at home mom" which is connected to my faulty belief that "I am what I do." I came across two excellent questions recently (through my church's women's bible fellowship) that are challenging me:
Am I really worth anything if I'm not out there constantly proving myself?
Who am I when I'm not busy doing things that tell the world who I am?
Aren't these telling questions? They pretty much nail me and my identiy issues. I loved the affirmation and sense of value I received from my job. I currently love the affirmation and sense of value I receive through my involvement at church, in MOPS, and even through this blog. It's much harder for me to feel a sense of value and affirmation during a day where I simply feed, clean up after, read to, and perhaps play with my kids. Like the second quote says, I think it's because some of these things are ridiculously inefficient (others are perpetual and monotonous) with little measurable outcome or apparent return on investment (in the near future anyway).
I'm clearly a child of our "self-absorbed, age of work, busyness, and productivity" (Allender). How I long to be free of this warped view of life! I want to want to play with my kids more often. I want to feel greater enjoyment as I play with them. I want to spend more time marveling at the wisdom, purity, and wonder of my children.
I love the brief story in Matthew 19 where the disciples think Jesus is too busy and important to be bothered with children, but Jesus intervenes and says, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! God's kingdom is made up of people like these."
I long to be more like Jesus!
Play is ridiculously inefficient. It splurges and spends, often without any apparent return on investment. That's why we must remind ourselves of the blessing of the process and not look for any measurable outcome of the effort.
To live against the grain of our culture, as we must, the serious parent will spend the majority of his or her time in play - whether we're on the job, running errands, doing household repairs, or playing catch in the backyard. The mature person will see all of life, work, worship, and parenting as a form of play.
These are excerpts from a book I read this summer called How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender. I just reread the chapter called The Freedom to Play because I've been feeling the familiar struggle lately of not wanting to play with my kids.
My struggle with playing with my kids is connected to my struggle with being a "stay at home mom" which is connected to my faulty belief that "I am what I do." I came across two excellent questions recently (through my church's women's bible fellowship) that are challenging me:
Am I really worth anything if I'm not out there constantly proving myself?
Who am I when I'm not busy doing things that tell the world who I am?
Aren't these telling questions? They pretty much nail me and my identiy issues. I loved the affirmation and sense of value I received from my job. I currently love the affirmation and sense of value I receive through my involvement at church, in MOPS, and even through this blog. It's much harder for me to feel a sense of value and affirmation during a day where I simply feed, clean up after, read to, and perhaps play with my kids. Like the second quote says, I think it's because some of these things are ridiculously inefficient (others are perpetual and monotonous) with little measurable outcome or apparent return on investment (in the near future anyway).
I'm clearly a child of our "self-absorbed, age of work, busyness, and productivity" (Allender). How I long to be free of this warped view of life! I want to want to play with my kids more often. I want to feel greater enjoyment as I play with them. I want to spend more time marveling at the wisdom, purity, and wonder of my children.
I love the brief story in Matthew 19 where the disciples think Jesus is too busy and important to be bothered with children, but Jesus intervenes and says, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! God's kingdom is made up of people like these."
I long to be more like Jesus!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
"Stay At Home Mom"
I’ve never liked the term 'Stay at Home Mom.' The idea of staying somewhere sounds completely uninspiring. Have you ever heard anyone answer the question “What do you do?” with “I stay at the office” or “I stay at my cubicle?” I wonder why? Hmm, could it be because it sounds just a tad bit boring! I just don’t get defining yourself by the place in which you, supposedly, stay.
I assume that the term 'Stay at Home Mom' is a reactive one that came about to differentiate itself from the 'Working Mom.' I must say that if I had to choose between these two jobs based solely on the titles, I’d have to go with the 'working' one over the 'staying' one. It’s just hard to get excited about the passive call to stay.
I’ve always preferred to be the one going away rather than the one staying behind. I would rather move to another state than have a close friend move away. I would rather head off to a conference or go on a trip than have my husband do either while I stay behind. The person going somewhere gets to have an adventure of some sort while the one staying behind is left to experience the same old routine.
Another reason the term Stay At Home Mom irritates me is that Stay At Home Moms don’t really stay at home. They go to schools, playgroups, libraries, bible studies, other mom’s homes, parks, grocery stores, malls, and doctor’s offices, to name a few. So what would be a better term, I’ve asked myself? When someone asks me what I do, what should I say? Recently I tried out this response: “I’m currently working with a small number of clients (two to be exact) in a variety of areas, but focusing primarily on personality assessment and character development.”
I also struggle with the question, “Do you work outside the home?” I don’t want to say “no” to this question, because I know that what I do and who I am isn’t confined to four walls. “Do you work outside the home?” “Yes, my work with clients involves both private and public settings.”
Sometimes I wonder what’s really behind my dislike of the 'Stay at Home Mom' title. Am I embarrassed to be a Stay At Home Mom? Do I think it’s not enough for me, that I'm better than a Stay At Home Mom? I will continue to grapple with these and similar questions, but here’s the bottom line. I’m disillusioned and embarrassed that a vocation of such magnitude and consequence has such a lame job title.
If you have an idea for an alternative job title to 'Stay At Home Mom,' please comment.
I assume that the term 'Stay at Home Mom' is a reactive one that came about to differentiate itself from the 'Working Mom.' I must say that if I had to choose between these two jobs based solely on the titles, I’d have to go with the 'working' one over the 'staying' one. It’s just hard to get excited about the passive call to stay.
I’ve always preferred to be the one going away rather than the one staying behind. I would rather move to another state than have a close friend move away. I would rather head off to a conference or go on a trip than have my husband do either while I stay behind. The person going somewhere gets to have an adventure of some sort while the one staying behind is left to experience the same old routine.
Another reason the term Stay At Home Mom irritates me is that Stay At Home Moms don’t really stay at home. They go to schools, playgroups, libraries, bible studies, other mom’s homes, parks, grocery stores, malls, and doctor’s offices, to name a few. So what would be a better term, I’ve asked myself? When someone asks me what I do, what should I say? Recently I tried out this response: “I’m currently working with a small number of clients (two to be exact) in a variety of areas, but focusing primarily on personality assessment and character development.”
I also struggle with the question, “Do you work outside the home?” I don’t want to say “no” to this question, because I know that what I do and who I am isn’t confined to four walls. “Do you work outside the home?” “Yes, my work with clients involves both private and public settings.”
Sometimes I wonder what’s really behind my dislike of the 'Stay at Home Mom' title. Am I embarrassed to be a Stay At Home Mom? Do I think it’s not enough for me, that I'm better than a Stay At Home Mom? I will continue to grapple with these and similar questions, but here’s the bottom line. I’m disillusioned and embarrassed that a vocation of such magnitude and consequence has such a lame job title.
If you have an idea for an alternative job title to 'Stay At Home Mom,' please comment.
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